Filipinos need German toilets
A love letter to the beautiful German culture of “reflective thoroughness”
In Germany, toilets usually have an “examination plate” where feces drop first, affording you the wonderful opportunity of inspecting the health of your shit before it is flushed. You can observe it, smell it, and even touch it for signs of illness.
This toilet model has terrorized tourists and expats exploring the country, especially those who are used to seeing their shit plunge straight into the water or a hole, never to be examined or seen again.
But there’s so much we, Filipinos, can learn from the Germans about their intimate relationship with their shit.
In practical terms, German toilets promote the healthy practice of sniffing and inspecting your Scheiße for any signs of illness before flushing it down.
In more abstract sense, this interesting feature of German culture, aptly described by Hegel as “reflective thoroughness”, cultivates their no-nonsense, confrontational attitude.
The Germans are not afraid to approach their problems head-on, and address them using an enormous amount of contemplation, and then action.
That’s the exact opposite of what Filipinos are wont to do in the face of their shit — we like to, either, pretend they do not exist, get drunk, sing karaoke, and then we die; or we do bandage solutions without really addressing the issue.
Meanwhile, the Germans are not bothered to call a spade ‘a spade’. Their “reflective thoroughness” allows their ideas to be methodical, precise and extensive, thereby rendering them both functional and revolutionary.
And it’s no wonder some of the greatest thinkers in the world are Germans, and their economy produces some of the best goods and services in the market.
BMW? German. Porsche? German. Mercedes-Benz? German. Adidas? German. Marxism? GERMAAAN.
Germans are not afraid to confront the elephant in the room without turning into a crying mess. They are perfectly aware of how their past looks like and were more than willing to apologize and make up for it.
German children grow up well-informed on all the shit the world has to offer, which is why I would like to think that the Germans can be quite adaptive and resilient.
In Germany, they probably teach their children about sex matter-of-factly. None of that “si Pedro at si Maria” crap we tell ours.
On an individual level, I think that being able to confront one’s shit — our anxieties, our sadness, our insecurities — and perform self-analysis make it easier for us to identify the shit and, in the process, become less scared of the shit and even allow us come up with the right tools to address the shit.
Filipinos could use a German toilet not because we hate what we have, but because it is what we need at this moment.
